Why does knowledge have to cost so much?

Every Tuesday as I walk across university of Louisville campus I try my hardest to see only the beauty around me. I see the beautiful landscape but the buildings hold a painful memory for me. I know that even though I walk past these buildings every week the doors of almost all of them are closed to me.
You see a few months ago I had the foolish dream of sitting in on a class.  I assumed I would have to fill out an application or contact the professor whose class I wanted to take.  I never dreamed I would be asked to pay $1300 per class.  That is the same price as someone who is getting credit.  now I am reminded of my foolish dream every Tuesday.
There is a difference between education and knowledge.  I can understand why education has to cost so much but why must it be the same with knowledge.

Set in my ways

I have my ways and I am set in them which is okay. I am who I am.  I am a writer. I am a woman in search of love, respect, acceptance and great food. I have a passion for words that will never die as long as I don't let myself get stressed out about life or my work.  I will let the words come out anyway they want to,  for however long they want to.  In whatever language they want to even though I can only read and write English right now. Maybe one day I will know more languages and more cultures around the world but it is okay if I don't. I can only make do with the things, people and chances life gives me today and tomorrow.  GOD will give me what I need. He always has and always will.

The unpredictability of life

Life never has any set plans or at least we humans will never be told what they are. Why should I plan for the future?  Of course I should save up for the things I want to do like paying off my loans, buying a plane ticket to India and buying a house but I should not let anything stress me out. Life is unpredictable and exciting if I let it be.

Writing the first draft of my memoir

I don't have any idea what I am writing but at least I am still working on it.  I am making six hundred or more words a day. I am just going to keep typing until I make seventy thousand words, then I will edit it over and over again until it is ether good or gone. I think this is a good way to work.  Today I don't know how I feel or think except that I want to make it to seventy thousand words.  Why? Because I want to prove to myself that I can do it even if the first draft is nothing but crap. I don't believe it will be complete crap though because there has to be something good in one hundred pages of writing on a single subject. I am only thirty-eight pages in and I know that some of it is good so it stands to reason that some more good writing will come out of eighty plus pages. Sure doing it this way will take a lot of time and work but that's what writing is all about. It is an addiction, a passion that has to come out in whatever format it wants to. I don't have any control over this draft and I like it that way.

A morning spent with the zebra.

I haven't written anything about my fibromyalgia symptoms for a while but I guess today is the best day to start again. 
I woke up at 5 am, my new normal but this morning didn't go as planned. I felt fine, a little tired but still fine. I got my morning shower and was trying to get dressed when it hit me.  I was suddenly very light headed, and dizzy.  My legs felt like straws trying to hold the weight of a bowling ball.  It was only the closest wall that saved me from crashing to the floor.  Still I was able to keep calm and throw on my dress.
Staggering like a drunken fool, trying to avoid stepping on my cat, I some how made it to my bed and painfully crashed into it.
Wrapped in my zebra blanket, I spent the next three hours dozing in and out of consciousness.  When my spoiled little cat decided that I had slept enough,  she smacked me in the head. Walking only a few steps in front of me,  she lead the way into the kitchen. Watching my every move with annoyed boredom,  she waited while I struggled to clean her litter box.  Thank God for the walls in this house.  After my chores were done I staggered back to bed and dozed again for another hour. 
Now except for pain in my neck and back,  damn pillows,  I feel fine. That is not to say that I am up and walking again.  I intend to keep trying to get up and stay up all day if I have to.  I'm starting to get hungry.  What better motivation can you ask for?

Being Respectful to the God in Everyone

How would you behave around a friend knowing he was God? Ideally no different then how you would behave around anyone else. Every person and animal has God in them and so they deserve to be treated with love, respect and compassion. That's why I don't eat meat.

This is not always so easy to do especially with people I am close to like my mom and my best friend. I crave their approval in every aspect of my life even though I know all three of us have vastly different views on life. I'm not really sure if this is a bad thing or not. I do my best to accept our differences and not let the need for approval stress me out.

My mom is not a fan of the fact that I am Hindu and into Indian culture so I don't cover my head or wear bindi when I am around her. She likes to smoke so I wait in the other room or stand in the hallway until she is done.

Spending less money and Asking for what I want part two

I am one of those people that doesn't like to eat alone. So I decided to ask my friends and family to come over to eat. To be able to cook a big meal for four people I would need food so I am continuing to go to the food pantry. I would need ingredients so I can provide enough food for everyone. I only have one chair besides the one I use at my desk. So I decided to ask my friends and family on Facebook. I also looked on craigslist.

It turned out that only one person could come visit me. So I did not need the chairs after all.  Which is a good thing since I was having no luck at all. With only one person coming over I needed a lot less food which gave me back my Friday mornings. Of course I was still lonely but one day I started thinking about my mom. With my dad gone I am sure my mom was just as lonely as I was. She works twelve hours a day, often eating nothing but coffee and cookies. I knew I could not make her a good lunch but I could make her dinner most nights. So now I go over to her house at least three nights a week to do your laundry, make a healthy dinner and load the dish washer. My new plan is to have one big meal at her house and have mostly fruit and chai tea at my house. I have not lost any weight yet but I just started and I know it will take some time. 

The Meaning of Freedom

Personal freedom is different for everyone

I am free because I work for no one

I may be broke but I have time to be happy

I am free to go where I want when I want

I am free because I work for no one

Some cannot live like I do

I am free to go where I want when I want

I love my life. I love my freedom

Some cannot live like I do

I may be broke but I have time to be happy

I love my life. I love my freedom

Personal freedom is different for everyone

Black Box of Gratefulness

I am grateful for my kitchen full of food. I am lucky and blessed to live in a country that gives money to the people who can’t work. Without the money I get each month, I would have to live in my mother’s basement again. I love my mom a great deal but we are too different to live together. I try not to think about it because my lack of a large family who shares my beliefs is depressing. I try to remind myself that there are people in this world who are all alone. There are people who somehow live without family or friends checking in on them. I don’t know how they do it. I have a hard enough time just dealing with the fact that I have no one to share my religion or my vegetarian food. I have no one to cook for or clean for but I try to be grateful for my apartment with heat, running water, electricity and a full kitchen. I don’t have a lot of channels but at least I have a working TV that I can watch the news on every morning. I don’t have the money to buy a new book every time I finish reading the last one but I can go to the library every day and check out any book or movie I want. I am saving money to buy a house one day. I am grateful for the ability to own something on my own. I own my truck and one day I will own a big house. Today I am grateful for my full belly.